I emerge from this fog laden mist
Like a diver resurrecting his right to breathe,
In an atmosphere
Where clarity prevails.
Where have I been?
Why have I suppressed myself for so long?
Foglamps flared along the path,
I saw them not,
Ignoring the light,
Adamantly following my own trail
As if I knew the purpose for my journey.
Trampling on moments,
I gazed to a future,
To my next destination,
The goal I set myself
And, feeling no fulfilment there,
I simply set the next…in stone,
Until it too crumbled under the weight of my expectations.
Did I look up?
Did I breathe the space
Allowing awareness of what was
To fill my soul,
To complete me?
Silence became something to evade,
Time, an enemy,
As I rushed through in
My ruthless determination to get to
Where I knew I was going.
Until the clock stopped
And I could make no more goals to chase.
Body and mind left me,
I could not trust them,
Muscles spasmed, hands dropped,
My brain found chasms opening
As tissue gave way to disease process
And the consequences followed.
I pulled myself up from the floor,
Aided and raised by unseen hands.
New pathways forged the brain,
Burning routes for impulses to travel,
Shattering blocks in the way.
As moments became hours.
So much in so little
That only my inner could feel.
Life became too bright,
Reality flickering on and off
As my willingness to see played
With my fear of what I might find, or be.
Trying to regain control,
The floor fell away again….and again…and…
Years of bouncing became the norm,
Until, weary of the game, my soul
Called a halt and I hung suspended
Between there and here,
Nothing and nowhere,
Everything and everywhere,
A shock to my triumvirate system,
And so I hang,
Life carries on.
The sun rises, the sun sets,
Rain falls, rain dries,
Seas fall, seas rise,
Mountains, squeezed from the land,
Make headway to the sky.
Animals that were, die,
Whole species are born,
Live, then find extinction.
Pouring their light through the cosmos,
Flashing on me, through me, and on…
I hang suspended
Through time and motion,
A journey in the void,
A trip back to where I began,
And forwards to where I’ll finish,
All in the same place.
What a strange journey!
© 2017 Robin McShane