Note: Pacing with MS

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A quick note to elucidate my posting inconsistency!

Following my return to blogging a few weeks back, with great zest and anticipation I might add, my body (and mind) reminded me this week of the need to pace myself, and, in the case of the ever-unpredictable MS,  how difficult (nigh on impossible) this is to do. I so wish to maintain a regular schedule of posting and reading but find this frustratingly elusive.

I am so grateful for your reading, following, liking and commenting and find my generosity of return frustrating and disappointing – I miss out on so many of your talented, thought engendering and enjoyable posts.

My life, with MS, has been a series of starts and stops – having to let go of actions, activities, companionship’s, friendships, and more – continually being reminded of a reason and a season…

So, from now on, my presence will be more of an occasional appearance (or flurry of them), dependent on my ability to engage (I am not letting go of this activity completely!). Hopefully, I can at least maintain the Friday Haiku posts.

Thank you all for allowing me to share your parts of the blogosphere, your lives and your thoughts, and for joining me in mine.

You are all appreciated more then you may know.

I will see you on an ‘as and when’ basis as much as is possible.

Rob

 

 

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My MS Brain

My MS Brain - Aug 27 2017

***

Filing away at arid drips of memories
My brain destroys parts of itself,
Smoothing gaps which I can’t see or feel
Until the faint outline of what was
Flickers…flickers…then fades.

Shavings fall at my feet
Where a light breeze flicks them up
And away,
Tumbling just out of reach
Until even their shadows have faded,
Experiences gone.

New shapes try to take their place,
Yet have their own space to fill,
Until the sharpened knife,
With the dull edge,
Comes around again,
Scrapes their edges,
Blurs their clarity,
Strips their pride,
As the tell-tale strips fall,
Fly and fade to dust.

***

© 2017 Robin McShane

My World Breaks…Again!

This may explain my longer than planned absence! 🙂

****

I awoke dulled and slow,
With the pressure of Saul,
You may be familiar
With the three o’clock call?

Climbing upright,
Dizzy, all blurred,
A nausea wave,
Crashed through my world.

I stumbled to get
To the place we all know,
When the body just threatens
To ‘let go, now, let go’.

A friend brushed my arm,
Supporting my lunge,
My strong, faithful wall
Averted a plunge.

I got to the place
We leave our temporary mark,
Sat down, held the bin,
When all faded to dark.

“Try to get up,”
I heard a voice say,
“You’re wet and you’re cold,
Come on, come away.”

I wasn’t quite sure
Just where I was at,
But movement, a no-no,
She had to see that.

I tried hard to explain,
All she heard was a groan,
I tried to say more,
It came out like a moan.

“Please try to get up,”
She ruffled my leg,
“I’ll go get some ice
To put on that egg.”

I slowly came to,
Pushed myself to a crawl,
She helped me to bed,
Wrapped ice to a ball.

Ah, life with MS,
A challenge a day,
I’m so grateful that someone
Can love me this way.

And as the day starts,
We discuss the event,
The need for a Doctor,
How it all went.

Pupils are equal,
Reacting to light,
Let’s rest, give it time,
I’m sure I’m alright!

And so I am,
After a few days of rest,
Just an appointment tomorrow,
With the Neuro for tests.

****

© Copyright 2016 Robin McShane

Creative…Or Not?

facts - morguefile

I am drowning in words of disarray
Creatively sorting through my day
Yet so much happens through eyes a-double
Am I certain I’m creative…or just in trouble?

****

© Copyright 2015 Robin McShane

Notes: The Hospital Swallowed Me PLUS a New Cover!

Suppressing quiet thunder feeding my life
Crushing words down my throat
Squashing ideas from my mind
Conquering sight in my eyes

I lay frozen tight
Solid with fear
Boiled broth brain
Sloshing side to side
In a skull made for more
Annihilated

Drips invaded veins
Drugs impounded normalcy
Dropping venom on plaques
Drowning their growth
Dwarfing their effect

Staggering under this weight
I was sent home
To wait
To rest
To recover

And slowly sight is returning
Double vision sometimes one
Jumping eye still
Still eye moves

Looks like I shall be back…

****

© Copyright 22015 Robin McShane

****

The MS (Multiple Sclerosis) Relapse which started in August, and which I thought had gone through its process, returned with a vengeance and took my sight, much of my body function and my brain/cognitive functioning (although on this point probably not many people noticed! ha ha!).
So, into hospital for treatment and then the wait for recovery which is only starting to happen now (the heat here not helping at all!).

Thank you to everyone who came visiting, liked and followed – I will visit your blogs as soon as reading has improved for me!

An extra special thanks to those of you who emailed to check if I was okay – do hope return spellings, etc. were okay! 🙂

Before the relapse hit, I had prepared my 4th chapbook ready for release and will organise that next week. As a foretaste, here is the cover – do hope you like!!

final cover lulu - 15.13x21.63

Hopefully, I will be back in full swing soon…