The Moon and The Sea – NaPoWriMo 2015 – Day 5 (to prompt)

Today’s prompt – “Find an Emily Dickinson poem – preferably one you’ve never previously read – and take out all the dashes and line breaks. Make it just one big block of prose. Now, rebreak the lines. Add words where you want. Take out some words. Make your own poem out of it!”
So I have tried! 🙂
.
Adapted from The Moon is distant from the Sea – by Emily Dickinson
.
The Moon, though distant from the Sea,
With Amber Hands prevents his flee,
Leads Him docile as a Boy
Along appointed Sands, his Joy.

Never missing a Degree,
Obedient to Her plea,
He wades so far toward the Town
Then, just so far, he turns around.

Oh, Signor, you, the Amber Hand,
Lead me through the Docile Sand,
And me the distant Sea,
Obedient to Your slightest plea.

****

The Original Poem:
The Moon is distant from the Sea – BY EMILY DICKINSON

The Moon is distant from the Sea –
And yet, with Amber Hands –
She leads Him – docile as a Boy –
Along appointed Sands –

He never misses a Degree –
Obedient to Her eye –
He comes just so far – toward the Town –
Just so far – goes away –

Oh, Signor, Thine, the Amber Hand –
And mine – the distant Sea –
Obedient to the least command
Thine eye impose on me –

****

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6 comments on “The Moon and The Sea – NaPoWriMo 2015 – Day 5 (to prompt)

  1. This prompt was a tad off putting in that I’m big on not messing with other writers’ devices and styles but I also want to grow as a writer so I decided to go with the prompt, anyway. I’m no Emily Dickinson but I gave it my best effort and your effort was just as great! Keep being inspired, sir!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Jason! It seems we share similar sentiments! I liked yours as well! 🙂 As you say, though, I am not a fan of playing around with other people’s work! Thanks for your comment and support! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I sometimes wonder about the person or persons who come up with those prompts. On the one hand they can provide an impetus against our natural tendency to put off engaging with the blank page, but….oh well, I guess it’s just not my cup of tea. Hang in there. There will be some gems among the simpler stones.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Cynthia. I am finding that prompts, whilst sometimes edging me to different styles that I would not normally try, actually seem to stifle my own creativity somehow! Guess it’s a question of where the inspiration flows from!
      Well, these prompts are optional so I need to be a little more discerning methinks.
      Thanks for your comments Cynthia – always appreciated. 🙂

      Like

  3. No reflection on you, dear Rob, but the original is far superior…..as well it should be, because it belongs to Emily (I heard her screaming, just now, from the other shore: “go get your own poem!!”) 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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